Dear Readers,
If you are new to this page & blog, Welcome! :-) If you are new & know me personally, I realize that some of you may be a little confused. To set the record straight, I blogged and posted semi-anonymously on a paged called Aka Super Mommy for over a year... As to why I deleted that first Facebook page & blog? Basically, I've grown. You can still read the rest of the post if you want to, but that's the gist of it.
AKA Super Mommy...
When I first started blogging, I cared way too much about what people thought. I was worried about what people would say about how or what I wrote. What if I said something that hurt someone's feelings or made them mad? What if someone I cared about said something embarrassing, or what if I embarrassed myself on the blog? I've been known not to have that "filter" that some people were so lucky to be born with, and it's hard enough to take back something you've said, let alone written. But I wanted to write badly enough that I gave my daughter, Roo, an alias and remain somewhat anonymous. --And for the record, "Roo" is one of her actual nicknames. People call her that all the time.-- I chose the name "Belle" because it means "beautiful girl" in French. It was just one of those names that I've always gravitated towards, so it felt natural.
I vented. A lot.
It's hard being a special needs parent. It was actually very therapeutic to put what was bothering me out there. I have a tendency to suppress things. I can usually remain very calm during a stressful moment, but will fall apart later. It's okay to have a good cry from time to time. But anger? It's just there. It comes and goes, and sometimes it's hard to deal with. I choose to be happy, but the anger can still be there. The jealousy is there. The hurt is there. Crying doesn't really get rid of those feelings & they can eat away at you. Blogging and getting to know others in the special needs community is a great way to deal with these emotions, because they've been there and they understand.
Then...
We realized Roo was having seizures and had to go see a neurologist. The neurologist really threw us for a loop. She told us that our daughter didn't have autism, that she had a syndrome, and that we should have seen a genetics doctor every year. Then, when we did go to the genetics doctor, in a way, he agreed with the neurologist. But he also said that she could still have autism even if she does have an underlying syndrome of some sort, it would just be atypical. (more on all of that later)
Apart from a whirlwind of "Whhhaattt?? We just got used to this?! We've told our family and friends and I have this web page and blog and ... Whhhaaattt?!?," I had become tired of the anonymity. The Aka Super Mommy page was about a little girl named Belle, I certainly didn't feel like a super mommy anymore, and the rage/hurt that my former blog posts might have brought on made starting a new page seem like the best way to go.
Sugar Snap Peas...
It is a different name. I was snacking on them one day and I realized how similar they are to my daughter. "This little pea is a cleft palate, this pea is autism, this one is biliary atresia, this one is laughter, this one is happiness.. This is my Roo." (On the really long peas I could add things like persistent ~which is really just a nice name for stubborn~ social butterfly & fast runner.)
There were so many times over this past summer that I wanted & felt the need to blog. That's why I'm back. I've missed this. Even if the only person who likes my page is my husband, I have missed the writing & the sharing. I'm done with the whole anonymous thing. In some cases I will have to remain slightly vague.. I wouldn't want to be sued for slander or anything.. but, for the most part, this is a much more open version of what Aka Super Mommy was. I just don't care what other people think anymore.. or at least not like I used to. So, if at one time you followed my blog or liked my page, please come back! We're still the same people.. with a different name.. being a little more real. :-)
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