Tantrums & Friends

I remember standing there, excited, nervous, so happy, yet scared... We were going home, really going home, and I told the Surgeon I had one last question.. "Wait," I said, "one more thing... If things hadn't gone the way they did.. If there hadn't been a bile leak, how long would our stay have been?"  "Oh," she said, "..about a week." and she smiled at me. For a split second I froze. If there was ever a moment for a **That's not fair!!*** tantrum, it was then, but I didn't even realize it. We were inpatient for roughly 7 weeks. This was our second stay, and if I could go back and tell the second stay me one thing... I would hug me until it hurt to breathe, and then I would tell me that everything was going to be okay.

Now my sweetie is 7 years old. It seems crazy to have a child that old. If I wanted to, I could throw a tantrum every day. Not just for my daughter, but for all the other kids who deal with diseases and  disabilities.What would it accomplish though? People always want someone to blame, someone to yell at, because it makes them feel better, but honestly, I just feel like.. this is life?? Nobody ever knows how it's going to play out, and no one is exempt from it's challenges.

One thing I have learned & cried over, is you will find out who your true friends are. The ones who visited you in the hospital (or had a really good reason if they didn't), the ones who text just to see how you're doing, and the ones who put a little bit of extra effort into dragging you out of the house when they know you're going through a tough time--those are your true friends. Sometimes Family is just a Friend in disguise.

I've also realized that being honest with myself will save me and others from a lot of disappointment. For instance, my house is dirty, I want to clean it (because I should), and I have a pile of fabric waiting to be turned into something incredible.. So I tell myself that if I hurry I will get everything shiny & sparkly and still have time to start a project... and then I feel so let down when the house is just cleanish (not sparkly) when Roo gets off the bus.. & I haven't started any projects.

So, just know that I want to be that awesome modern version of Mary Poppins, but I can't. That's not me. And Me is just learning to be honest with herself & with others about herself... and that's just something that everyone is going to have to get used to.

Lots of Love,

~Cassie