Hello again... I'm Roo's Mommy, allow me to introduce her Daddy.

It's been nearly a year since I've written.

Sometimes things just happen that are too personal, or isn't my story, and it can't/shouldn't be shared on here. It affects me none the less though, so, that's where I've been. Looking at life and appreciating each moment like it's a gift. Even when I'm at my wits end and I'm telling my nearly 10 year old for the millioneth time, "No, you are not getting an app," I'm so thankful I still have her around to pester me for the heck of it. And when the worst happens to someone I know, when things hit too close to home, a part of me tends to pull into my shell.

Anyway, a long time ago, I promised that my husband would share his point of view on Roo's birth and the first few days in the NICU.

We decided that a Q&A sort of interview would work out best. So one night, we sat on opposite ends of the couch facing each other, while I asked him questions that I had already come up with and a few that just sort of happened as we went along.

At first his answers were short and I had to encourage him to elaborate. The more he started to talk, the more his emotions started to come to the surface. So much so that when our big, orange furball or a cat hopped onto his lap, he started to pet him instead of push him away like he normally would. He is not a cat person.

Things came out in that conversation that I didn't even realize (though maybe at times I suspected). While I don't mind spilling my guts on here, and even though he went into it knowing that I intended to put it on here for the world to see, it's just not fair to him.

Anyway, this is Terry aka Roo's Daddy.

He's a good guy who goes out of his way to help others, even if he's dead on his feet after working a long day.

I admire his faithfulness in attending church, and love his faith in God. I especially appreciate how he's trying to instill Christian values in our daughter, despite her many challenges.

They formed a special bond early on that still continues. When she was finally able to come home from the hospital, I was so jealous of him! I felt like I never got to hold her because she was always crying for daddy. In hindsight, I'm lucky that he was able to be home, and willing to continue to hold her...even if it was frustrating! :-) He is such a blessing, & I love him.

I hope you all have a great Father's Day weekend!

I will write again soon!

- Cassie

Confessions of Special Needs Parents: Tales from the Supermarket

Thank you, Loving Levi & Spectrum Circle! Next week's theme is "Don't lick that!" What's the worst thing that your child has ever licked?

Finding Joy In The Middle Of Chaos

One of the most irritating things a person could say to a parent of a special needs child is, "How do you do it?" Nobody chooses for their child to have challenges; it's just something that life hands to you. I have had this said to me SO often...

          (and if you're reading this & you were one of those people, please know that I don't hold it against you and that I know you said it with the best intentions & from the bottom of your heart)

                                                            ...that it has become harder to smile, shrug, & say "I like to think that it's what any parent would do if they had a special needs child." Sometimes there's a snarky comment in the back of my mind, like, "Zoloft & Jesus!" or "When things get rough, I just take a happy pill. Then I suddenly see unicorns pooping butterflies and belching rainbows. That helps a lot."

But really, I cling to the good moments, pray for a better tomorrow, and countdown till bedtime--literally. And yes, medication really does help you cope. Never be afraid to ask your doctor for something to help you deal with the stress of it all if you need it. It's been said that Autism Mom's Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers, but I think it applies to parents of children with many other disabilities, too. We face different challenges in some ways, but it all boils down to more stress, more dependence from your child longer, and probably less than ideal support.

Back to clinging to the good stuff.. These are a few of the memories I cling to when we're having a bad day..

Her piggy face that she loved to make when she was a baby.

The giggles and smiles when she splashes in the pool.





The good moments in the middle of the rough ones... like when she started being silly while recovering from the flu a couple of years ago.

                       

When I rode the tilt-a-whirl with her for the first time this summer. We were spinning so fast, and she looked at me with this huge grin on her face. She cheesy grinned me the whole ride 

and it made my heart melt.  

That's how I do it. I find my Joy in the Middle of the Chaos. It's not always easy, but she's worth it.

How Dare They → Computer Hacking Is Just Wrong

I just noticed, and I mean really noticed, how long it's been since my last blog post on Monday. I have a few drafts saved that I started & never finished, and some scraps of paper with ideas doodled on it, but that's about it. There is a long version and a short version to all this, & I am going to give you both. Some of you aren't into detail, so I give you the short version:

A link  was clicked on.

The link didn't show what it said it would show.

I got duped by a hacker.

It totally violated my personal territory, and left me feeling small, stupid, and mad.

My poor computer was taken to a repair shop & wiped clean.

Now, it's all better.

The end.

Now, if you're satisfied without that just that, your welcome, but, if you want to know the nitty-gritty... here's the long version:

My husband was on Facebook, and clicked on a link that a friend of his had posted. It was one of those funny videos that guys seem to appreciate the most. On the sidebar were several links to other videos. I don't even remember what it was, just another video that he thought it would be worth watching. I was in the other room when he hollered for me. When I came in, there was a white screen flashing "WARNING!!" in bright red letters, and even though that seemed sort of weird, the more official box that popped up, looking like and claiming to be from Microsoft looked real, and it told me that I needed to contact them right away & that my computer was infected with a virus.

So, I called them.

The man who answered the phone had a very heavy accent, which doesn't really matter, but was something that stuck with me. And his partner's voice in the background, too. I don't know why, but I will always remember them.

He told me to go to a website, had me download a program, and then he walked me through everything that was happening (only, at the time, I didn't realize that he was the one making those things happen). He had access to my computer now and talked to me soothingly as he pointed out the different security features that were turning off before my eyes. Then he jabbed me with a spear of panic as he asked how I used my computer, saying "oh no!" at just the right moments. This cycle repeated, and he had me hooked completely.

What he didn't realize, is that even though I have this little girl voice, it's the same voice that's been warning people for years, "Don't click on that!" or "Watch out for _______" and it didn't belong to an idiot. Even though, I really did fall pretty hard off the Smart Wagon... I still can't believe I actually downloaded that program! But, I am 100% certain that if they would have called me with this same setup, like they have to many other people in the past, I wouldn't have fallen for it. It was that stupid, Microsoft looking box that got me.

Anyway..

Maybe he became overconfident. Maybe it was my naive little voice, but his compassionate voice began to fade and he asked me how much I was willing to spend on their services to clean up my computer. I started to waver a bit trying to think of how to get out of this, because it all hit me like a ton of bricks that I had given someone without a conscience access to this... vault of me. I do so much online and I gave this moron access to it?! While he was rambling off numbers, I was unplugging my computer from the wall and modem, and hanging up on him.

He called me right back. "My apologies, we seem to have lost connection." That's when I informed him that his services were out of my price range and that we'd be taking our computer somewhere else. I kid you not, his voice sounded evil when he said, "Take it where?" My answer, "Uhhh I don't know, but not to you!" *click*

Of course that wasn't the last that we'd heard from them. They couldn't reach us online because our computer was being worked on, but they still had the nerve to call us. The first guy to call us was the hacker. I listened to him for about a minute before I hung up on him. A week later his partner called. He tried to tell me something was wrong with my computer and I was like "Really?" (this is were a sarcasm font would come in handy) and he went on with his yes, ma'am and gave a blah blah blah speech, telling me how there was a virus on my computer, only for me to say, "No, there isn't." "There isn't?" "No, I don't think there is!" *cue defeated sigh* "Have a nice day ma'am." *click*

My sweet husband won't admit that it affected him, too. He wouldn't get on the computer for months, and I really didn't feel inclined to leave my thoughts online for awhile. Blogging exposes you. It feels great to get it off your chest, and it's way cheaper than therapy, but it's public. It's out there for anyone to read. I guess I felt like I'd already been exposed enough.

Well, that is both the long and the short of it. May you never have to go through it!

Confessions of Special Needs Parents - Week One

Happy Monday!

 Thank you, Loving Levi!

Thanks Spectrum Circle!

Next week we will have a "Tales From The Supermarket" theme. If you'd like to contribute, please email me your story at sweet_pea84@att.net with your preferred "handle" or message me on Facebook.

It all started with a $20 deal...

You know those email offers that you sign up for only to delete later? It was one of those things. Roo hasn't had a nice picture taken in awhile and I received an offer of 43 prints + 5 postcards & a free wall hanging of your favorite pose for $19.99 from Portrait Innovations in my inbox. I hadn't heard anything bad about them, and I figured that they couldn't be any worse than our Picture Me (Walmart) or Olan Mills (small studio in Meijers) experiences, so why not? Have I mentioned how horrible almost all of Roo's school pictures have been?? Which is understandable.. because school pictures are taken in the gym.. and, in her mind, the gym is not made for standing in lines, looking nice, and smiling for a picture, then leaving.. The gym is for running around, getting the wiggles out, downward dog, and gym class! Sometimes the gym is for movies, plays and musical instruments... but those are all a toss up. You never know how she's going to do during a convocation. Anyway, that is my personal, logical explanation for why she can't take a good school picture when she loves school so much. It has to be violating her "rules."

We get to the studio a few minutes late, carting in 2 backpacks and purse stuffed extra full of things to keep her happy if things started going south. The hubby is just holding Roo's hand, leading her inside. (I swear, "pack mull" should be added to the job description of a mother! :-) ) I quietly informed the photographer of her autism diagnosis, explained that I understood that there was a minimum amount of pictures she had to take, told her that we would do our best, but when Roo was done, she was done. She seemed very understanding. Anyway! Long story short, she did amazing. Incredible. She made it through 90 photo shots, and an outfit change without a single tear, then sat in a chair with her iPad for another half hour while her dad and I went through them. She shocked us all! These are some of my favorites!

~*Never Give Up!*~

The Best Advice I Wish I'd Taken

Um.. So this could be a touchy subject.. I'm not sure this is the right place to discuss "arguments", "heated discussions", or "fights" between couples.. SO, allow me to introduce you to the fly on the wall,  hypothetical Jane and hypothetical John. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy, and about a third of this post will be completely untrue and.. it will be up to you to figure it all out, but the main point will be obvious. That make sense?

The couple that Mr. Fly will be telling you about have been married about 10 years. Jane has brown hair, violet eyes, and a nose ring. :c) John has brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and big muscles. The have one child. A little girl with fiery red hair, brown eyes, & a smile that lights up a room. This is his account of one afternoon's happenings:

One day John came home from a hard day's work (he lays railroad), and was upset that once again the house was not clean. He was greeted at the door by the cat. John is not particularly fond of cats, but he will pet this one when he thinks no one is looking. He finds his wife in the next room, on her kindle, and the little redhead on the couch with her tablet. She was laying on her back, feet in the air, holding it up, while she used one or both hands to play her game. The child, not the lady (because the lady hasn't been that limber or flexible since.. ever). This is the child's favorite way to hold her Ipad. The only downside is that sometimes her big toes get tired and it slips, usually falling on her face.

John goes to the bathroom, and the little wife follows to say "Hello" and "How was your day" only to get a gruff reply. He just didn't understand how the house was still dirty. "It's been dirty over a month," he says. He went on to say that he saw their child on the Ipad, perfectly content, and why couldn't you wash dishes while she's on it?? The answer is really simple. The little redhead doesn't miss a thing, and she doesn't want to play on her tablet alone. She has these "rules" of how things are supposed to go, and at this point, her mother would do almost anything to keep her from whining and crying. This has been a long, mostly unhappy summer. The wife tells him this and reminds him how often their little girl needs to eat, and how someone must be with her, and that that takes time. He insists that they should make the cat do more around the house, because, after all, all he does is sleep, eat, and use his litter box--it wouldn't hurt him to watch a little girl eat so she could clean. "That's ridiculous!" protests the wife. "How would he give her the Heimlich if she became choked?" He sputters for a moment says, "What about Dr. {Very Nice Development Pediatrician That We Haven't Seen In Years}!?!" (Now referred to as Dr. VNDP)  "Huh?" Jane says. "What about Dr. VNDP?!" John repeats. Jane snaps, "Dr. VNDP lives in {another state}! We haven't seen her in years!"  "But what did she say?!"  "She said that I should go on a getaway with the girls for a few days! Take off for a week so that you would understand what I go through!" "What?" He looked purely shocked, by the way. "She said that you wouldn't understand unless you had to do it on your own for a few days, and I laughed, and told her that it wouldn't happen." At this point, Jane picks up the toilet plunger and beats John over the head with it. "I wish I'd done it!" she said, "because you just don't get it!"

This is where I'll stop. After living in this household for years (have I told you of my stealthiness?), I have to agree with the wife. This summer she's been kicked in the jaw over a phone call that wasn't going the child's way, endured hours of endless whining that kept away any chance of company, not to mention the meltdowns when she took her outside, because this summer has been unusually nice, bearable and even sometimes cool. This is, obviously, not what summer is supposed to feel like. The child simply doesn't allow her to clean, and even though she's just mentally exhausted by the time the redhead's bedtime rolls around, she still deserves time to relax. This has been the little girl's worst summer as far as acting out. There's still time, maybe the wifey should plan a weekend get away? I heard her tell John last night to plan on taking a week off next summer, because she was going on vacation with a couple friends. You go girl!

If you're the primary caregiver and your spouse, partner, or sperm donor doesn't "get it," let them carry the load for awhile. It will be good for everyone involved.