The Best Advice I Wish I'd Taken

Um.. So this could be a touchy subject.. I'm not sure this is the right place to discuss "arguments", "heated discussions", or "fights" between couples.. SO, allow me to introduce you to the fly on the wall,  hypothetical Jane and hypothetical John. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy, and about a third of this post will be completely untrue and.. it will be up to you to figure it all out, but the main point will be obvious. That make sense?

The couple that Mr. Fly will be telling you about have been married about 10 years. Jane has brown hair, violet eyes, and a nose ring. :c) John has brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and big muscles. The have one child. A little girl with fiery red hair, brown eyes, & a smile that lights up a room. This is his account of one afternoon's happenings:

One day John came home from a hard day's work (he lays railroad), and was upset that once again the house was not clean. He was greeted at the door by the cat. John is not particularly fond of cats, but he will pet this one when he thinks no one is looking. He finds his wife in the next room, on her kindle, and the little redhead on the couch with her tablet. She was laying on her back, feet in the air, holding it up, while she used one or both hands to play her game. The child, not the lady (because the lady hasn't been that limber or flexible since.. ever). This is the child's favorite way to hold her Ipad. The only downside is that sometimes her big toes get tired and it slips, usually falling on her face.

John goes to the bathroom, and the little wife follows to say "Hello" and "How was your day" only to get a gruff reply. He just didn't understand how the house was still dirty. "It's been dirty over a month," he says. He went on to say that he saw their child on the Ipad, perfectly content, and why couldn't you wash dishes while she's on it?? The answer is really simple. The little redhead doesn't miss a thing, and she doesn't want to play on her tablet alone. She has these "rules" of how things are supposed to go, and at this point, her mother would do almost anything to keep her from whining and crying. This has been a long, mostly unhappy summer. The wife tells him this and reminds him how often their little girl needs to eat, and how someone must be with her, and that that takes time. He insists that they should make the cat do more around the house, because, after all, all he does is sleep, eat, and use his litter box--it wouldn't hurt him to watch a little girl eat so she could clean. "That's ridiculous!" protests the wife. "How would he give her the Heimlich if she became choked?" He sputters for a moment says, "What about Dr. {Very Nice Development Pediatrician That We Haven't Seen In Years}!?!" (Now referred to as Dr. VNDP)  "Huh?" Jane says. "What about Dr. VNDP?!" John repeats. Jane snaps, "Dr. VNDP lives in {another state}! We haven't seen her in years!"  "But what did she say?!"  "She said that I should go on a getaway with the girls for a few days! Take off for a week so that you would understand what I go through!" "What?" He looked purely shocked, by the way. "She said that you wouldn't understand unless you had to do it on your own for a few days, and I laughed, and told her that it wouldn't happen." At this point, Jane picks up the toilet plunger and beats John over the head with it. "I wish I'd done it!" she said, "because you just don't get it!"

This is where I'll stop. After living in this household for years (have I told you of my stealthiness?), I have to agree with the wife. This summer she's been kicked in the jaw over a phone call that wasn't going the child's way, endured hours of endless whining that kept away any chance of company, not to mention the meltdowns when she took her outside, because this summer has been unusually nice, bearable and even sometimes cool. This is, obviously, not what summer is supposed to feel like. The child simply doesn't allow her to clean, and even though she's just mentally exhausted by the time the redhead's bedtime rolls around, she still deserves time to relax. This has been the little girl's worst summer as far as acting out. There's still time, maybe the wifey should plan a weekend get away? I heard her tell John last night to plan on taking a week off next summer, because she was going on vacation with a couple friends. You go girl!

If you're the primary caregiver and your spouse, partner, or sperm donor doesn't "get it," let them carry the load for awhile. It will be good for everyone involved.

Three Things I Learned Right Away From Just Skimming...

 "The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun" by Carol Stock Kranowitz (Amazon link). And to be honest, I was shocked. We stop by Half-Price Books often, and when I saw the title I vaguely remembered one of Roo's therapist's talking about it years ago.. and ya know, it was at half-price books, and I figured, why not? MIND BLOWN. This was definitely one of the best "why not?'s" ever!

(On a side-note.. I see Jenny McCarthy's books both there & at Goodwill, and I've never been tempted. If I ever do succumb, it will be to save someone from buying them who doesn't know any better... and later.. I would burn them... with fire!!!! Muhahahaha!)

(On another side-note... Please keep in mind that I have my own version of sarcasm & humor.. And if something sounds crazy, it was probably supposed to be funny..  :-| )

Back to the book..

1. Don't just say "be careful", elaborate. - I am guilty of this all the time. If we're just coming in from outside & Roo's feet are wet, I'll have her take off her shoes, and find myself yelling, "Be Careful!" after her while she runs through the kitchen. If anything, she's probably wondering what she's supposed to be careful about. And if anything, "Be Careful!" was probably more of a distraction than an aide. Something else Roo does is yank on my arm really hard if she feels like we aren't walking fast enough, or she's trying to be silly, or... really, she probably she just gets input from that somehow.. but anyway, it nearly knocks me down the first time, every time, because there's no warning. My first response is to yell. It scares me, embarrasses me, &, frankly, gets on my nerves. This week, I'm saying, "Stop. You're going to make me fall on you and we'll both get hurt." & "You can't do that in a parking lot, or we could fall & get hit by a car. That would hurt really bad."  How long I can say this in a patient voice, I don't know, but so far I'm holding it together.

2. Don't let digital experiences replace real ones. - This is a good one, & it actually caused to me unsubscribe to ABCmouse.com.  For reals, I was sucked into that portal, thinking that it would be good to have around during the summer months. And honestly, they have a great program, if you can afford it.  But if you're letting online puzzles replace sitting down with your child and putting together a real puzzle together, you're both missing out in the end.

3. Special needs equipment can be expensive, and DIY imitations can add up quickly, but the results can be priceless.- Self-explanatory at best, but just to say I laid it out there.. you really should provide what you can for your child. Skip the coffee, skip the girls' night/guys' night, sacrifice a little here and there, & eventually you'll have enough put back to purchase or build what your child needs. Or, if it's something MAJOR (think hospital bed), don't be afraid to set up a gofundme account or raise money in another way. Some kids get trampolines because they're fun.. my daughter got an indoor trampoline when she was nearly 3, because her therapist recommended it, & she still uses it. It was one of the best things we ever purchased for her, because we could tell that it made her feel good. And it made her feel good, because it was filling her sensory needs. That in itself could be another blog post, so I will leave you with that.. annnnnnd this really cute pic of Roo & her cousin from back in 2011! Thanks for reading! :-D